We have definitely had our share of rough times but learning how each other communicates, and taking the time to let each other grow as individuals has really helped us a lot. And being there in everyday life too, for chores/division of labor, and communicating with you in a mature way. Never go to bed angry or hurt. We are each other’s biggest fan. Mamawonderer. They do not put you down, they are proud to show you to the world, they will try to bring you joy. Try to remember that your marriage comes first. When I was still doing boymode, taking hormones didn't provide much relief other than knowing I was making progress, otherwise I was still really depressed. First : Have a job/jobs that you love and provide enough/a lot of money for yourself to feel safe and comfortable. If they make it worse, it's worse. That, and apparently it's statistically better if you decide to marry a man. I'm pretty happy in my second marriage. ;) I think just having hormones that are right for you personally makes a ton of difference. We are both good at communicating with each other and that has nurtured a healthy marriage over the years. Someone who you are so comfortable with, you are willing to share anything with. About a year later, his dad called and said "if you want to be part of this family, you can't see a girl who isn't one of us, you will pick a wife, and marry her immediately" so, a week later they flew to New Zealand, he chose a wife from a party they attended, brought her to America, and they have been married for about 5 years now. This is not normal and frankly sounds miserable. You both tried and if counseling doesn’t help, making a change is choosing to try again to live your He challenges me because he’s always looking to better himself. Also you might see a couple as a happy couple when they really have a lot of crap going on, which might also explain your perception. Im a firm believer that happiness is created, not found. It means different things to different people. Learn how to fight constructively. I'm sorry if society is telling you you're wrong for that choice. Plan an event- something you both do together one evening. You need to actually like your partner and who they are. I thought we were happy”. Just like you have with your parents, siblings or friends. Pablo Neruda can legit make me horny. You are saying that some men would be happier unmarried. Reply reply. 715K subscribers in the Marriage community. But they are like night and day as far as activities and sources of fun and what not. When I was in relationships that didn’t make me happy (or not right for me,) I constantly felt like I needed to change my life. 1. The bottom line is honoring your stated commitment, which is ultimately emotional and moral. Money alone probably won't buy you much happiness, because really, there is more to life than money, like a social life, sex life, etc. Most people probably take marriage more seriously, but not necessarily all. More repliesMore replies. Of course they are still human with flaws, they have good days, bad days, times of fear, worry. Yes. I don't cringe at marriage, but I do when it comes to weddings/receptions. Find someone who makes you absolutely happy. The only problem is, you both change and while you may be a great match when you're 25, at 45 you're different people, so the key appears to be getting a partner who's willing to make the effort to create a good life for the two of you. In short, my kid makes me happier. You go to work, help out with your children (if you have any Find someone who you can trust with your life. I used to think like you but then I became single and realized how many men cheat. I've always had health issues due to trauma and my family would make me feel " Someone you can trust to see you when you're at your worst moment. My husband was unfaithful and I have never…. I bring this up because these days it seems to me like people want to get married because they think they can see themselves as being forever happy with someone, which is seriously impossible to know. Whether or not your married isn't the primary, or even a minor, factor in whether that happens or not. It's a kind of contract that you will be with them through life's ups and downs. I've always been scared of marriage because I haven't had the best examples of a healthy relationship, but since I married my husband he never fails to make me feel safe and loved. In my personal opinion, I feel that the answer to women are happier single unmarried without children is yes and no. I can see your point about "nobody" is happy in their first marriages though. ["Childfree" refers to those who do… Oct 11, 2017 路 The power of marriage to transform allegedly forlorn single people into blissfully happy and healthy couples is not just the stuff of fairy tales. So you don't have the highs and lows anymore. Dating 18 months before that. There's an old saying: money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it. The answer is no for my Mom who initiated the divorce and yes for my Dad who didn’t want the divorce. My marriage in the last two years was miserable. I disagree. Second edit: Everyone has answered they are happy and that they've seen happy results, but I can assure you, that's not what the goal is of Feminism. We can get mad, but we can't stay mad. If this is what it looks like after years together, is it really worth it? Is it possible to have a truly happy marriage, or are most destined to become like my parents? Only been married 7 years, been together 11 or 12z there’s ups and downs but over all very happy. I have declined offers for live-in girlfriends and roommates, but I've found that I prefer being single and living alone. Every marriage is different and happy and healthy may look different for some. Thank you for opening up a further convo:) you’re kind. Second time around, most of that melts away. Not knocking married people at all, but even the single men around my age seem pretty immature. Saw a podcast recently where a psychologist was discussing how men are happier in marriage and how women are happy when they are single. Gifts. It didnt make sense to me. No kids. How did you learn to let little things go? (FYI I’m pretty sure if I didn’t always give criticism this one incidence would not have turned into a fight, it’s the frequency) 8 15. Incredibly happy in my second marriage. The secret is: marry the right person. Bad relationships can make you anxious and unhappy in life. It is definitely possible to have a happy marriage. I was very naive and confused for my first marriage. If they make your life better, together, it's better. 25 1. There will be rough patches. Another person could look at the couple's relationship under a magnifying glass and say, "no, they are not best friends". If your marriage makes things harder then you’re doing marriage wrong imo. I could look at a couple's relationship under a magnifying glass and say "yup, they are best friends". Dec 22, 2016 路 Satisfying relationships not only make us happy, they also influence our long-term health as much as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and not smoking. Ladies, tell me why you are happier single! I am technically not yet single, but it is my goal in life: after having two miserable long-term relationships, reading all of the articles I don't believe in the rose tinted notion of having one soul-mate. It's like making a deal with the devil. Deciding to make a change isn’t giving up, and finding out your relationship isn’t succeeding in making you both happy isn’t failing. In fact, there's loads of evidence to the contrary: A 2012 study found that couples who lived together but were not married had higher self-esteem and were happier overall than their So your guess of probably 30% are "happy" couples is probably right. Personally, I needed to escape my male identity to feel happier. Many research studies have shown that Once you have a kid though, having a good supportive family makes a huge difference in your happiness, any negativity from family and/or s. Threads: Sex and Relationship Coach ASK ME ANYTHING; What do you do to keep the spark alive in your marriage? Another reason could be that thinking back on childhood makes a lot of people happy, so the thought of having a kid opens those doors back up. We get old. u/happywiferobin. They should stay single. For most people less worry means less stress. Protip: It's not your spouse's responsibility to make you happy. Happy marriage exists, they’re not the majority but they do exist. Taking further steps with my transition combined with the effects of HRT did make me happier, though. 5M subscribers in the childfree community. Their marriage feels like a constant battle, filled with resentment and anger. We also have a solid foundation of trust, compassion, emotionally support one another, and prioritize each other’s happiness. Not only that, but, legal benefits for all in health, livelihood, and governmental benefits. I've been married for 20 years, we're in our 50's but have been on the edge of divorce for the last 10. Not because they really want marriage or want cohabiting coupling and all that comes with it, but because they are afraid the alternative of staying single means being "all alone" and without any close friends. There is no correct answer. This was the biggest eye opener that really strengthened my marriage. I know if my partner felt that way about me I would be heartbroken and wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship with him. And both partners need to make the effort. Lack of Communication. Getting married and having a wedding means you make VOWS in front of your love ones and swear in front of them. Yeah antidepressants cap your emotions it takes away suicidal thoughts but it means your happyness can't go above 80%. Be personable. I believe that while a relationship starts in romantic, intimacy, love or lust, marriage is a long term investment of time and energy in a relationship to make it the best experience for both of us. I'm Statistics say happiness goes down after having kids. The first thing is to realize that happiness is inside of you, and that if you need to be dating someone to be trully happy, there is something wrong. If you take a quick scroll through the r/marriage sub you will clearly see that many many people don’t pick the right person and their lives sound miserable. Short explanation: yes. To be frank, my life as a single woman seems simpler and happier. But the boat you're in is the reason a lot of people get married. 60/40 rule. Married men are happier than married women because the assumed roles of marriage (especially trad marriage) really only benefit them. You're wrong. Physical touch. You should not be fighting all the time. Me (58m) and her (56f), started dating at 18 & 16, married at 19 & 18. He is more precious to me than anything else, he is my home, he is my family. The attitude is that the wife is supposed to dominate the husband. YES. 2 You need to set boundaries. Married people are generally happier, but it's not clear if marriage causes or selects for happiness. The things that make me feel most secure in a relationship are open honesty, quality time spent together, and real connection. The 5 Love Languages books highlights the core ones: Words of affirmation. It's awesome that you've found joy in sunsets and books. You could give me a bucket of shit, and id find a way to make play doh with it. The real person shows through sometimes. It has nothing to do with the other persons actions or "holding up their end of the bargain. 1, that of cynical libertines like me, believes that marriage doesn’t make you happy; rather, happy people get married. Very happy with my spouse. I'm not married yet. really brings your down more than not having a kid. Study I say showed that 13% of them had both participant describe the marriage as "happy". It isn’t fair to stay with someone you would rather not be there. When you never have to worry about being able to afford a medical bill or defaulting on your mortgage, you have much less to worry about. If you start with a weak foundation you will have a weak house. But talking to friends who were in a similar situations I'm positive I'll be happier when he moves out and we file (we are abroad now, so I can't do much now). So, in most cases money really can help you be happier. If you do, do it like Mr. Saving, investing and whatever insurance. 馃グ He is perfect. , which, money could probably buy you both. It isn’t the job of other people to make us happy. So in the end, I would pick money anyway. -5. Don't have anything so scary that it simply can't be talked about. It depends on where you fit into cultural paradigms. It didn't make me cringe, I just used to spend a lot of time wondering how you were ever supposed to be sure and confident enough in your relationship to spend the rest of your life with one person. Don't be negative, complain, whine, or bitch. Their presence is reassuring, they stand by your side, they encourage you, they will challenge you to be a better person. They should make you happy. ConnieC60. Two additional things you can try are meditation and journaling. Members Online My (40M) wife (38F) cheated on me five years ago and just took a polygraph to try and earn my trust back Yesterday I noticed several posts regarding the “male lonelineness epidemic“ and I was enjoying it so much that I have decided to continue the conversation. Marriage is a social construct, so the way it affects you has more to do with your social group than anything else. Not automatically happier by believing in God. Marriage wouldn't make me feel secure in a relationship, as divorce and cheating are still things. Acts of service. If a husband allows his wife to steamroll over him, she is often upset at him for not being a leader. ” Damnnnnn. I'm not saying that happy first-marriage people don't exist, but there are a lot of societal pressures that push two kids to tie-the-knot. 2b)Communicate. Happy marriage comes with lots of compromises, but you compromise because you want to make that person happy. It sounds like there is zero effective communication in your home. If this is what it looks like after years together, is it really worth it? Is it possible to have a truly happy marriage, or are most destined to become like my parents? You can also be in a relationship and marriage and still be lonely in them. Friendship, laughter, full trust and honesty, lots of sex with a compatible sex drive. o. Go to a painting place, throw axes, make pottery- whatever. It's not always going to be happy. Yes, definitely. As happiness expert, Paul Dolan, says in OP's links: "if you’re a man, you should probably get married; if you’re a woman, don’t bother. One of the meanest, hardest, most sarcastic, stone-faced, monotonous dudes I have ever met, is also one of the funniest, happiest dudes I know. The other 20% is probably a bunch of husbands and wives who are unaware of how unhappy their partners are. Some relationships (good ones) make you more comfortable, happy, and stable. A lot of the married women around me seem to be doing most of the labor (work full time, take care of kids, manage home), while their husbands don’t seem to be nearly as much. Marriage is just like any other relationship you have/had. If you're happy in your relationship then you I'm new to actually posting on Reddit so I'm sorry if the format is incorrect. Happy marriage are built and you never stop working on them. You just have to know what you're seeing, at the time, acknowledge it, and then decide what you're going to do about it. The key to a happy marriage is to do your best to keep your ratio where you are contributing 60% of the effort in the relationship while only expecting your SO to pick up the remaining 40%. 2a)Communicate. You cannot convince people to listen to your personal experience over statistics with less bias and a larger sample. 12. It's damn hard for someone to fake their personalities for any length of time. Lots of things in life we do out of fear. Pretty much. The secret to a happy marriage is simple; move far away from both in-laws. This will harm you and your children. I, 24 f, married my husband, 29 m, just over a year ago. To me, marriage is a public declaration of your love for another person, and your commitment to them. Sure. A happy marriage is very doable. r/Marriage: A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Learn how to discuss tasks/chores effectively. If you can make good communication and understanding with your partner then marriage is probably the best thing. Biologically marriage and stable co-habitation should fill the same 'needs', as long as both partners feel it's a permanent bond, so this isn't surprising. Prioritize the wants of your spouse over the wants of your children (the needs of the kids come first. Being around them and spending time with them should make you happy. It should just be normalized to do those things outside of marriage so people don't feel compelled to jump straight into marriage because they're initially happy in a relationship. Compatability is important. Since it is positive thing in life and helps me become better person. Feb 7, 2022 路 Does getting married make you happier? The proverbial wisdom of many societies has been that marriage was an essential part of a good, happy life. This isn’t surprising since sleep, sex, and free time pretty much disappear. Testosterone didn’t make me happy at all, but that’s probably because I’m a trans woman and legitimately terrified of the stuff. Award. I get most happiness from actively partaking in religous life like prayer, confession, and liturgy and other practices. It's easy to get wrapped up in the busyness and stress of life. Men are happier in marriage and women are happier single. If you are truly happier while he is gone you might want to consider letting him go for good. Kate Millett was one of the founders of Feminism, and Also, depending on the length of time you're together before the marriage can also make a difference. Most are on their second or third marriages now and children with different women. I’m genuinely curious to know how others view a happy and healthy marriage. We have similar values but have different enough that the other enhances the other’s weaknesses. Meditation alleviates all the things that get in the way of being able to find and appreciate happiness. Jordan Peterson. To figure out what makes you happy, start small. Second : Manage your financial plan ahead 30-50 years or until whatever age you would like to live. It's not just Christian marriage, though, it's marriage in general in the United States. It's the person you get married to. Knowing what I want in a partner. I don't think you can really have a good idea of whether or not a relationship will actually work long term (something you should have before marrying) without first It can work if you want it to, and it’s okay to realize it’s not a life that will make you happy. Problem is that you're the adult now and you can't go back to those carefree ignorant days. Most of the Gen Xers i know are a mixed bag-got some happily married for decades, some divorced, some on their 2nd or 3rd marriages and a few life-long single. Without a family your goals evaporate so make sure the marriage is happy and then make the kids happy if I feel much happier and more optimistic than I did three months ago. I saw many friends in our 20's, go party and live it up. Then as kids get older and leave home happiness goes up. **Discussion topics and links of interest to childfree individuals. TheElusiveHolograph. An activity that makes you happy, if done enough times, can get boring if you partake in it enough past a certain point. Same for your marriage. They all overlap, but people tend to grow up feeling loved in a certain way, so maybe they're a dates & vacation person, or a chocolate & flowers person, or whatever. But the good thing is that kindness can be contagious. However, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. No 10% lows but no 100% highs. Watching their relationship makes me question the whole concept of marriage. One 15-year study of more than 24,000 Germans, for instance Don't expect it to be happy every single day. Communicate. The issue comes from the fact that I don’t believe marriage will work between a genuine believer (me) and someone just doing it to make the other happy. First of all, the kind of happiness that people usually mean when they say that traditional meditation makes them happy isn’t really a joyful or euphoric kind of happiness. amgov. Our marriage has never been hard. People who do not have support structures end up 10% less happy than the average if they have kids. I can't speak for anyone else, but for most of my 20 year marriage, I was happily married, then we divorced, and for several years I was very unhappy, until I realized I didn't need someone else to make me happy. Just throwin' that out there Marriage is about telling your spouse that you will always be there for them, love them, and support them because that's who you are and what you want to do. As long as you have an open line of communication, respect each other and tap your ego down a bit. Seriously, guys, life pro-tip: if you want to make your wife hot and bothered read her Neruda. I understood that veganism would be healthier for me, and that the sense of not causing as much ethical or ecological destruction would possibly make me feel better in some way, but this is beyond that, and is and effect I never really anticipated. As time passes our shared experience and memories of support, challenges and achievements build into a relatio Non-married couples can hypothetically be more committed than married couples, or vice-versa. Your wife is showing no respect and even fewer manners. Communication makes me feel secure, especially when dealing with a partner's emotions. Try new things that interest you, like a new hobby or an activity that doesn't involve big groups. PurplePillDebate is a neutral community to discuss sex and gender issues, specifically those pertaining to r/TheBluePill and r/TheRedPill. One half of the section always seems to say something along the lines of "Yes, relationships give you happiness because humans are social creatures and need to have an SO and friends in Get him a gift- something heartfelt and a surprise. Happiness is an inside job, so if lattes and an expensive car fit into your budget and those are your priorities, go for it! But don't confuse comfort and ease with true inner happiness. Reply reply More replies. . Gallup polls and the General Social Survey (GSS) alike show that fewer Americans believe marriage is key to happiness, or that it’s important for lifelong romantic partners to marry. I have also heard men say that a woman’s job on this planet is to be with men and to procreate. If this is what it looks like after years together, is it really worth it? Is it possible to have a truly happy marriage, or are most destined to become like my parents? Let's talk about the actual plan. Been with my wife for 40 years, married for 38. It's a promise to them. Share. Treating my mental health is important. Not inherently, no. I learned ALOT in my first marriage. A study found that women get a boost in happiness before a wedding, and men after Not happier yet since I'm going through the grieving process (depression in the denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance stages). It has been life and outside factors that have been hard. Honesty is always important. Luxury doesn't make you happier, but a strong safety net does. •. Make sure you are marrying the right person and at the right time. Sorry this was so long. There is nothing I regret about being married to her. Respect for each other is key, manners in marriage are nonnegotiable. “I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees. Talk through any things that cause tension. do relationships really make you happier? Whenever a "relationships don't give you happiness," post comes up it always becomes a heated debate in the comments. Take your time, and you'll discover what brings happiness into your life. Marriage means guaranteeing the children you have with them legal assets. Being there in the best & worst moments. Only 40-80% at all times. Wife currently taking a bubble bath with salts and scrubs I bought her for Xmas letting me watch The Mandolorian. It just happened to be a side effect of the ideology that seeks to destroy the patriarchy but also humanity in its path as a consequence. But, in modern societies, this is more debated. Quality time spent. Get him a card and write a heartfelt appreciation for all he does. If you expect to be happy all the time, you're going to bail when things get hard. Money buys security. ” To me, Marriage means being that person’s priority #1 forever. Be funny. Sometimes it is a lot of work, other times it is a breeze. [deleted] •. 2%. For more than 70 years, social scientists Most people don't cheat in relationships, especially happy ones. Most men are happier married. Prioritize your friendship and connection with your spouse over those outside your marriage. If you are someone who wants to get married, it’s only worth it if you pick/find the right person. It means we decided to be a team for life and make a family together. Title does not match the content. If you're reading this article and your marriage is struggling, there's hope! We'll discuss 3 main reasons behind failing marriage and how to fix it so you can have a happy life with your spouse. We all get sick or hurt, we have rough patches, lose jobs and loved ones. Marriage itself isn't what makes life better or worse. Less stress often leads to greater happiness. You are responsible for the attitude you carry in life. If you are thinking 'will I get best out of my marriage' then you will disappoint more often than now. Long explanation: yes. I am however willing to concede that this could be the “wrong” belief in the equation, which is why I’m reaching out to seek perspectives from people who’ve been in this situation. there's a bunch of other stuff too but I've got to run to a meeting so maybe others can add stuff. Make time for each other. We bring out the best of each other. Aug 31, 2023 路 Camp No. dunya_ilyusha. Dec 17, 2021 路 Key points. Find someone who will take care of you. No cheating. I know many people that are happily married after decades and I am in a very happy marriage too, but it’s a bit too new for you to consider it I think. I found my happiness to be associated to my travels. ETA for a tl;dr - True happiness can't be derived from any type of lifestyle, be it frugal or more extravagant. Yes being rich makes you happier, putting smiles on the faces of your loved ones and other people, being able to go on knowing you have people that look up to you as role models and so on. Rogers would. An award-winning study of more than 24,000 German adults found that people who got married tended to be a bit happier in the year of the wedding, but eventually their happiness returned to where DamnGoodMarmalade. So if you're poor, have no friends or family and are living in a country with poor social I was happy being a social butterfly with no responsibilities, im also happy being a mom and having my marriage. There's so many amazing things about this man that all told me he was the one. If you look at the stats, people who have support structures (social, regulatory or financial) end up about 10% happier than the average if they have kids. You will not change your spouse but you will change with him. I think our marriage is happy because we work together and support each other. " Happier because my life partner is the most incredible, kind hearted, brave, clever, and funny person I’ve ever had the good fortune to know, and I cherish all of him with my whole heart. Also dating gets easier if you already found your happiness and you are just looking for someone to share that with. He was a good person but I was not happy. Meditation does not make me happy. Giving you affection and devotion. I’m able to cross some aspects of my marriage with others and in some instances, I can see where we can improve. On a more serious note, working out is amazing and you forget about all your problems when you’re sweating like a dog and can’t lift a muscle. Apr 7, 2016 路 Probably not. But - many women aren't happy about such a marriage, either. If you don’t communicate your feelings as they happen, then you will just blindside your spouse one day and they will say “I don’t get why he left. Because they lack ambition. I'm a firm believer that kids exacerbate existing problems. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. cd dn cc xo rt li bb an si wb